i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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