those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he shaved USA in his pubs
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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