we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
