Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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