so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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