Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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