if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
