I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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