No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
