How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
