I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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