found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
