Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
