Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
