i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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