Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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