we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
