i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
