Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
