i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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