So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
