It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
pray to the hookup gods
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
