So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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