we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
