trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
