We're like a lot better than the average bears
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize