so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
