i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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