Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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