My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
