I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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