u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
