She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
