Someone shit on the floor
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
