TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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