And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
