I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
