so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
