he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
