Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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