Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
