talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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