Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
