Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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