I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize