I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
