Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
