yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
