I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
