There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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