hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
