I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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