Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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