I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
