nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
