I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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