Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would ride that face into the sunset
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
