The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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