FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
