Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
4 words: hood of his car
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
