Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I love you. Go after that dick
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
