3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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