New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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