I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
not ubering you a puppy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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