HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize