found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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