he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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