Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
