the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
