omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This is my gift to your gina
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
