watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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