I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
