Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
