i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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